Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
