I only kidnapped one of them. chill
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
