Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize