and you said cock pushups were impossible
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
