my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
