Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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