I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
