I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
