btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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