Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
