i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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