FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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