Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
