so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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