In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
