Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
