You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Alive.
So much puke
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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