Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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