STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
