It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
