she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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