jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
