we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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