I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
