One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
