I am puke
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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