I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
