my sisters under your porch take her home
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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