I must be too annoying 4 u.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
