I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
