Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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