this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your penis caused this!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
