mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
