she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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