I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize