Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Randomize
