he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
