He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
