Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
