Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You're like the curious george of whores
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
