I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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