i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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