An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
