We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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