I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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