plz talk dirty to me
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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