That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
