You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
