My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
