I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
