i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
