Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
