You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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