youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
