Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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