im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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