wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
