i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
