Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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