my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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